


Just waiting for the right man

by Applewriter



Series: The right man [1]
Category: Star Trek: Discovery
Genre: Angst, M/M, Past Sexual Assault
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-24
Updated: 2017-10-24
Packaged: 2019-01-22 12:55:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,145
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12482048
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Applewriter/pseuds/Applewriter
Summary: Following the events of "Choose Your Own Pain", Tyler tries to deal with the events of the Klingon prison ship.





	Just waiting for the right man

Just waiting for the right man

Ashley Tyler woke in a sweat, same as he had done for the past seven months. He sighed, accepted the fact that he was still alive; the memories were still with him. Survival. He could choke on the word. What the Klingon captain had done to him wasn’t survival, it was -. Tyler stopped his train of thought and took a breath. In for five and out for six. Every Starfleet cadet had learned how to calm themselves down in situations like this. Not that there weren’t too many situations as the one he had gone through. The words ‘sexual assault’ and ‘rape’ rarely showed up in any of Starfleet’s texts.

  
“Computer increase illumination by eighty percent.”

The room became bright as noon on Vulcan. Tyler couldn’t help himself, but he scanned the room for any hidden threats, any odd-shaped shadows that could rise up against him. He was trying desperately to not be so paranoid, but after L’Rella, this condition was hard to break. Medical had told him no active duty and no roommates until he was cleared by the Counsellor. Tyler hadn’t told them there was no way he would ever go to see them. It was a time of war. Who had time for a Counsellor? He made himself the same promise when it came to Medical too - he could do without the humiliation of another body scan, pictures displayed on the computer screen of where L’Rella had taken out her disgusting needs on him.

  
“Stay in the present,” he whispered to himself. “You’re safe.” He repeated the mantra until his breathing slowed and his body sagged back to the mattress.

  
The door chimed, making him sit up once more. “Come.” Tyler jumped to attention when he saw his visitor.

  
“At ease, son.” Captain Lorca remained outside, squinting into the bright room.

  
“Computer, decrease lighting by fifty percent.” How could he have forgotten so quickly? “Sorry, Captain,” he muttered, face hot with embarrassment.

  
Lorca strode into the room. “I hear you missed your Counselling appointments.”

  
Tyler gulped, clasped his hands tighter behind his back.  “I guess news travels fast on this ship.”

Lorca smiled. “For once it wasn’t the rumour mill. I personally checked.”

“Thank you for your concern, Captain but I don’t need it.” Tyler chanced a quick glance at the taller man, realising that Lorca was moving closer, well into his personal space.

“Sit.”

Tyler obeyed instantly, looking at the Captain’s knees as he sat awkwardly on the edge of his bed.

“Eyes up.”

Tyler hesitated before looking up to see Lorca’s face looking down at him. Not angry, just stern.

  
“How many times did it happen?” Lorca tilted his head a little.

  
Tyler looked away, his whole body flushing with shame.

  
“I said eyes on me.” Lorca moved to sit next to Tyler. “You count at first,” he said softly. “Because it won’t be more than a few times, will it? Can’t be more than five.”

  
Tyler turned open-mouthed to stare at the Captain as he continued. “Then you stop counting because it’s too painful to think about. You don’t give up hope, but you resign yourself to it. You make yourself adapt. You tell yourself they’ve taken ‘a liking to you’ and you can live with that.” Lorca looked over at Tyler, eyes full of something not unlike sadness. “You need to process what happened, son.”

  
“How did you know?”

  
“How do you think?” Lorca stared up to the darkened ceiling. “I’m millions of miles from home, but sometimes it’s not far enough to shake the memories.”

  
“I’m sorry, Captain.”

  
Lorca made a quick movement, reaching over to hold Tyler’s wrist. The younger man flinched, but relaxed when no further movement from the Captain followed.

  
“We are at war. We need good soldiers like you. Go to the Counsellor or find another way to heal your fractures.”

  
Tyler looked down at their hands. “I want to, but I can’t. I’m sorry, but the ship’s Counsellor is a woman. I can’t open up to a woman, not after L’Rell. I can still feel her hands on me, the things she made me do.” Tyler’s voice broke on the final words. “Maybe if I talked to a man, someone who’s been through similar things…”

  
Lorca chuckled to himself. “Technically speaking, the Counsellor is non-binary - they just look a lot like a woman.” The Captain shook his head. “Listen, son. I’m not the talkative type, not when it comes to this. And I’m not a gentle man either.”

  
“I don’t want gentle, Captain.” The words were out before Tyler could even debate whether to say them or not.

  
Lorca’s hold on his wrist became harder. This time the Captain’s face was full of angry hard lines and a thin-lipped scowl. “I am not going to hinder your recovery.” He looked away for a moment. “To be a Captain, I have to put away the part of me that is neither gentle or good. You don’t want to see that side of me. As soon as I wake I ensure that it will not make an appearance.”

  
Tyler covered their joined hands with his free one. “Don’t you ever take a day off from being a Captain?” Lorca shot him a look that could cut through Andorian steel. “I spoke out of turn, Captain,” he said quickly. “I apologise.” Sure they had shared a cell together, but he knew his behaviour was unbecoming.

  
“We are at war,” Lorca said in a low voice. “We don’t have holidays in war time.”

  
“I’m sorry, Captain…”

  
“Shut up.” Lorca removed his hand from the younger man’s. “My methods of dealing with things would hurt you. And I do not wish to hurt you.”

  
“I’ll do anything if it came from you. Whatever you wanted.”

  
Lorca inhaled a quick breath. “Yes, I believe you.” Lorca looked Tyler over as if inspecting him.

  
“I just want the past seven months gone.” Tyler wiped a tear that slid down his face. “I want to feel whole again.”

  
Lorca sighed and stood. “We don’t have holidays, but sometimes we Captains have a night off.” He grinned down at Tyler. “Beware, son. I will take you apart before you can be put back together once more. There won’t be much talking, but I can do things the Counsellor never would. Could you handle that?”

  
Tyler stood, facing Lorca. “Yes, Captain.”

  
“Then report to my quarters at 18:00 tomorrow.

  
“Thank you, Captain.”

  
And with that, Lorca walked from Tyler’s room without another word. Tyler sank to the mattress, rubbed a hand through his beard and smiled a little sad smile. Waiting for the right man had paid off once more. Now if only he could be the man everyone wanted him to be, the nightmares and flashbacks of violation and humiliation wouldn’t stand a chance.


End file.
